just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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