I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
