went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I think my fart just growled at me.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
