everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
