Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize