uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
