I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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