Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
