I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize