If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
