Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
