Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
