You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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