i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
