Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
