Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Randomize
