I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
