I wish my penis had an off switch
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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