Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
