Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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