im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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