i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
