you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
