dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Randomize
