i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
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