i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
