Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
