if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
