its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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