man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Who wears a wallet chain?!
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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