my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Randomize
