Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
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