I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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