Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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