her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
