I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
