You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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