Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
