sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
