There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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