Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
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