if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
