left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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