On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I think I have vodka in my lungs
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
