Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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