Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Randomize
