making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
