i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
