So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
you mean i was at the winter classic?
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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