I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
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