I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
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