I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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