I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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