My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize