lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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