I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
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