Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
