I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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