I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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