she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
