If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize