I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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