Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
