you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
