Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
