she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
false alarm, still single
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
