Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Randomize
