I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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