Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
