did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
