You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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