I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
