i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
