the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
