Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I need a burrito and a hug.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
