Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
