My Higher Power is John Stamos
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Randomize
